Just Visiting

I just read a piece by Hope Clark about writing letters and the fact that we may have lost the art of letter writing. Reading that piece reminded me about another lost art - the Art of Visiting.

When was the last time you dropped in on a friend, unexpectedly, just to sit and talk awhile. Not recently, I would suspect - who thinks they have that kind of time. Who does that any more? Do you have any friends who would be home to sit and visit? The answer may surprise you. Someone you know may just be waiting for your visit.

In past times people did just that. They made social calls and received visitors, before answering machines, voice mail, and e-mail turned us into hurry, hurry, rush, rush. In fact there was a time when social calls were not only enjoyable, but an expected part of a woman's day.

I recall when I was very young and spent quite a bit of time with my grandparents we did a lot of visiting. Grandma made an quite an occasion out of spending the day visiting friends and relatives. We would venture out early in the morning with Grandpa driving. The first stop was usually at Aunt Vangie's for coffee and biscuits. The grownups talked while I wiggled in an oversize chair until my aunt released me to go outside and explore. We would have some lunch with my aunt and then be on our way. The afternoon object of our visiting was usually one of Grandma's friends and a frequent recipient of our visits.

Social calls began in England in the 1700's and soon became a key to social favor. Today many of us use our spare time to send a quick e-mail to a friend. In the 1800's Anna the seventh Duchess of Bedford used hers to introduce the tradition of “high tea” which just happened to coincide with the “proper” hours for calling. Relatives could stay as long as they wished, while the rules dictated that fifteen minutes was the length of the visit for others and no one called on a Sunday. A bit to eat and drink and some conversation was all that was needed; human interaction as opposed to the electronic connection of today.

The wireless world of today has taken its toll on personal interaction with others. Consider the fact that we now communicate almost exclusively by telephone, cell phone, BlackBerry, email and coast to coast instant messenging. We have no idea what the other person looks like as we are talking, emailing, etc. If we were to see their faces we might discover that we have just said something that upset or offended them. The impersonal electronic delivery of communication does not afford us the luxury of being up close and personal.

Today 15 minutes of relaxed conversation can seem like a luxury, but this is a luxury we should make time for. I have a friend who constantly bemoans the fact that people simply don't visit anymore. Oh, they'll stop in, "but just for a minute", "I'm running late", or "I have to be at so and so's". Spend some time with a friend, sit down and visit . Maybe there is something in her life she needs to talk about, but no one has been there for her. Research has suggested that talking with friends helps relieve stress. And who couldn't use that.

Spend time with an elderly neighbor. Use that time to chat about them, the news of the day, their hobbies, etc. Maybe during that visit you will notice they are in need of something and you are in a position to get it for them or know someone who can.

Real friends and good neighbors make time for visits.